The Art of Being Happy

People think they are entitled to happiness, but happiness comes from within us and we make it happen or we fail at it. The reason that most of us are not happy all of the time is because of the way we think, NOT because of the way our lives have progressed, the situation we find ourselves in or the problems we have to face.

A person who is constantly negative and miserable will often be reflecting on something unhappy that has happened or fearing or worrying over something that might happen in the future. Where they go wrong is to not be happy in the present, the here and now. How happy we are depends on how well we have trained ourselves to think, feel and react to what has been, what is happening and will or might happen. If you ask them WHY they are unhappy they will blame what happened, what they are worrying about or what might be, when the truth is it is their perception of that and how vital it is to their overall happiness is that is the issue.

An obsessive worrier and how she is never happy or relaxed emotionally or mentally. A lady I used to know who desperately needed to see a therapist and change the way she was thinking and reacting to happenings and thoughts. The truth was that she had no worries! She was fit and healthy. She had enough money with no debts. She did not have to work. She had no family problems.

Yet she would invent issues to become upset over, such as watching the television and if the weather report said it would rain tomorrow she would become extremely upset and start to cry. Then she would phone up whoever she knew telling them she would commit suicide because it was terrible that it might rain tomorrow. Then she would go to bed and spend all day laying in bed frettting about it. Whereas a more sensible rounded person would either not care that it is going to rain tomorrow or get it into proportion with everything else and realise that it has very little relevance to their life. Either they would stay in or get their umbrella out or make sure they do not hang out any washing that day, but it would not be a huge thing or the end of the World to them.

Many people get things out of proportion to a much lesser extent. They may be waiting to receive a letter from someone they like and to them it is the end of the World that it does not arrive today and will arrive tomorrow instead, or they go for an interview for a job and are told they have to wait a month to find out if they have it, or they win some money on the lottery but get into a huff because it is only enough to buy a fwe rounds of drinks.

The trick to being happy all of the time? Get things in proportion... The letter did not arrive today?! So what. Just be patient and wait till tomorrow. See the bright side, there always is one...think of how great it is that someone who loves you has bothered to put pen to paper and write to you. That is far more important than how long it takes to arrive. Think that 24 hours to wait is not very long.

Remember that nobody's life is ever perfect. Think of the people who do not have such a pleasant letter to look forward to.

You can use this easy formula no matter what is happening. Yes you do need to think about the future and be responsible. That may mean that when you get your wages you put some by for a rainy day instead of spending it all. But worrying about whether or not your car will break down on the way to visit your partner next week is totally pointless and simply spoiling the moment. It is far more sensible to make sure that the car is in working order and has had a recent service and then relax and forget about it.

Even when you are doing boring, mundane unpleasant tasks see the positive side. when you are cleaniang out cupboards and cleaning the floor think of how it is exercising you and giving you a good physical work out where other people spend money in a gym to get the same work out. Think of how it means your home will be cleaner, smell nicer, look better and be more presentable. Think of how you will feel a bit tired and will then really welcome a break with a cup of coffee when you are finished.

If a friend has arranged to meet up with you and you have been looking forward to it and they have to cancel instead of getting miserable about it remind yourself that your friend cares, that you can look forward to seeing them soon, that this has given you a chance to do some tasks that have been building up or the opportunity for a quiet night in with a good book.

If a spouse hurts you and lets you down instead of getting angry and hurt think of how they have done you a favour by showing you their true colours so that you now know what they are really like.

If you are feeling lonely and miserable during a holiday time because you have nobody to visit or invite over think of the families who dread seeing each other, cooking and clearing up after each other, and who would love to be on their own instead.

Apart from the fact that you will be happier and more content with your lot, no matter how awful it is, this way of thinking and reacting to things will help you to be healthier as being happy will improve appetite, sleep, concentration, memory and many other physical advantages. This in turn will make you happier, so it is a win win situation.

Get things in proportion. See the bright side. Remember that nobody's life is perfect. I am Charlotte Craig, President of The Association of Agony Aunts at askagonyaunt.com. I know what it is to have problems and know that the key to being happy is not what happens to you but the way you think about it.